How to use your voice and body language to communicate well
There are two important aspects of managing people which are often overlooked – how you use your body and voice. By using the correct tone and assertive body language, your message will be clearer and more confident.
Your tone demonstrates your true meaning
If you listen to a voice that you enjoy, you will notice that their pitch is not too high or low. Rather, it sounds rich and warm; there is a sense of friendliness and enthusiasm behind it. Listen carefully to radio talk shows and try and work out why these people are chosen for the morning slot. It’s the time people are rushing; they are usually stressed, the day is looming ahead and traffic is bad. Radio stations will choose voices that put people at ease and make them feel ‘warm and relaxed’ – as if you are having coffee with a friend. How often have you switched off a station thinking: “I can’t listen to that person for a moment longer!” It is often not because you disagree with his opinion but that his tone annoys you.
Listen to yourself
A good voice uses pitch, pace (the speed at which you speak), pause and inflection effectively. If you rush, your message is lost; if you pause too much, it becomes laborious and tedious and if you speak in a monotone, people just ‘zone’ out.
Use the upper and lower registers of your voice when you speak so you are interesting to listen to. Speak with motivation and energy. The voice is the one physical organ we don’t work on – yet, if you do, it can make an enormous difference to your communication skills. Listen to Richard Branson, Barack O’Bama, Desmond Dube… their voices are rich and effective.
Watch your body
There are other small physical traits which also affect how we communicate. You know those people who stand too close to you when you speak (seeming to ‘invade’ your space) or those that don’t make direct eye contact with you and seem disinterested, or the way you judge people who seem too loud or forward for
your liking – this is where cultural diversity comes into play. We need to decipher if a particular method of communication is culturally determined. There are many cultures where direct eye contact is considered disrespectful and provocative, and others where a loud voice is considered either as confident and powerful or indicative of a loss of control. So before you make a judgement, take a step back and consider these issues. Your culture dictates the loudness, amount of acceptable touch, proxemics and relationship to those in power (among other things). With awareness training you become more in tune with and accepting of why people use their bodies and voices as they do
Body language doesn't only refer to your use of gesture, eye contact and facial expression, but also your use of personal energy and posture. A ‘forward-leaning energy’ definitely makes you seem more motivated and eager to communicate and powerful listening skills, in turn, show your intention to value and engage with the speaker.
Body language goes both ways:
Continually assess your communication skills:
If you observe people in conflict, their arms are usually raised, or folded in front of them to defend themselves and close themselves off. Their eyes are wide and bulging, their breathing is rapid and their voices raised as they interrupt each other constantly.
By controlling your body language and breathing in a confrontational situation, you can handle yourself and the other person far more successfully. Breathe deeply and listen – allow the other person to have their say and wait for your turn. By waiting you can work out your approach and settle your nerves. Avoid jumping in immediately. It is also a good idea to stand and make eye contact so there is an ‘equality’ between you. And don’t be afraid to say you need to think about the issue and get back to them tomorrow. Often a conflict seems different in a few hours. If this is possible, take time out. When emotions run high, mistakes are made and words are spoken that can’t be taken back. Be gentle with yourself and others.
Let’s argue
Influencing and managing requires you to be aware of how you are carrying yourself. So as you finish reading this article and return to your office or chat with somebody, take a moment and evaluate how they respond to you and what impression you think you’ve made.